Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
