margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
