I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
