So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Princesses don't give blow jobs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
