Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
