my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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