Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
