woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
