She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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