I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
