She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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