Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
