Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
