totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
