Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
