Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
