Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
