Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
