chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
