I feel like abortions should bother me more
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
