so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
