I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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