At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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