He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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