dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
