You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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