Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
