Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
