Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
