I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
