I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
