Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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