There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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