i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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