You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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