i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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