I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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