Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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