remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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