Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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