if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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