Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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