I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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