wakey wakey hands off snakey
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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