My hand turned me down
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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