Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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