3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize