I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
