I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
