He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
