You made me cry and you don't even care
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
