I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
